Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I smell stomach acid.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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