Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Houston, we have a blender
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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