You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
