My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
