Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
