i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
