Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
