The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Randomize
