I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We named our party play list daddy issues
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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