i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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