I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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