I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
