I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize