Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
