I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
