i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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