lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
