covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
