woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
