Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
