Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
