sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
