My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
