Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
