coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
