He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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