You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
