I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
