Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
