My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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