I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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