Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize