Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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