So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
there's paper in my vomit.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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