My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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