Soap is not a condiment
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
