WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
