Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
