FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
