If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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