I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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