never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
