they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
