Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
