How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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