So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
