If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm just crazy horny about you
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
