im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
