hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
