How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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