made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
