god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
