I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Drunk is not a location!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
