I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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