No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
