No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
