We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
