so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
