True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You need a sexual gate keeper
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
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