It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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