I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
