So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
