I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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