you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize