It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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