Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
