Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
In America we eat man semen.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
