do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
