You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
