Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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