I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
