ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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