it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
