Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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