oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
