I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize