A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
