Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
